[Interview Thursday #4] Zee, The Bright Young Thing

Now, I will start this with saying my adoration for this person may be leaning towards biased. With that being said, I am also brutally honest. Which is why Zee and I function so well together. She saved the day in terms of interview needs, so it is only fair I do this beautiful soul justice. 

"Uhm... Trees inspire me. I know that sounds really stupid." We

jump right into it, and I ask what inspires the British eighteen year old. She seems embarrassed at first admitting what is simple, yet understandable, then continues, "Trees and the sky and clouds. Just those things.".  

None of this surprises me. There is a lightness about Zee that is made

evidently clear when you speak with her. Physically, you feel lighter. More engaged in conversation. Comfortable. As if this conversation isn't just a temporary tactic of exchanging words for the sake of talking, but rather that there is depth here. There are things to be learned here. 

She does fall into the gray areas of life. Though, as she explains, the beginnings aren't always pretty. "I was in year four, so I would have been eight or nine. I just remember being at school, which I hated. I would get psychosomatic illnesses just from stress. I never really wanted to be there. I noticed it first then, when I tried to hang out with people I really liked, but they would always shut me out. And that is when I starting catching on that there wasn't something normal about me."

"Looking back now, I have a different perspective obviously. I can look back at it and think 'yeah, that was sad', but also realized it was a defining point in my life. I was becoming who I really am. And if what I really am is different from anyone else, I think that's fine. I am fine where I am now. If anything, I consider it a good thing. And I like who I am."

When I first began speaking with Zee, I assumed she was older than she is. I thought, was fully convinced in fact, that she was at least twenty-one years old. There aren't many eighteen year olds who carry themselves so well. Who can explain the complexities of themselves with an amount of ease.

"Not being in the same kind of environment most eighteen year olds are in, not growing up like everyone else in the sense that I barely went to school. I then dropped out of school half way through my second year of secondary school. I just turned thirteen, because of bullying and stress and anxiety. And having grown up with having being such an outcast, you know, it's bad enough being one in school, but living in the same place and having people knowing I didn't go to school."

 "It made me more empathetic to other people. I went through all the social exclusion, with no help, no one there for me. It made me grow up faster than others."

 Zee has a way with working her own mind around her situations. Finding a way to put words to thoughts. It is obvious that she grew up quickly. But like many who feel their childhoods were rushed, or skipped, I wondered if it was a conscious decision and not forced.

"I was pretty rushed into it. I never really got a proper teenage experience. I wanted to be with my friends, and I wanted to be in school, that carefree-ness. But battling depression and anxiety so young, it forced me to grow up. It forced me to deal with these situations where I didn't know what the hell was going on."

Zee is very introspective. I do not fully agree that this was simply learned (of course, learning helps) but that she has always been this way. It is a rarity to speak to someone who is fluid in their experiences, struggles, and their ability to realize their own internal improvements and how they effect the changes in her current standing in day to day life. 

"Everyone struggles with this question," I say, probably a bit too sure of myself. "So you may, too. I am sure of it.". The question of naming things one is proud of is one that brings me to either a long span of silence, or a shorter one. Silence none the less.

As with a lot of things, I assumed rather than look at the type of person Zee is.

"My tenacity," she answers quickly, "My ability to keep trudging through life even when I don't want to."

"I always think back, and I am proud of myself for that."


Tenacity is a word I would use to describe her. She is, without a single doubt, a person who willingly continues, even when life seems to become unmanageable. It was one of the first traits I noticed about Zee myself. Her bad days are, yes, bad. But she will wake up the next day ready to take it head on again, even if she is unsure of the final result.

"Oh boy," I am met with when asked what she loves about herself. "I love my hair, I like my sense of humor... Two more, okay. I like that, generally, I am a good person. Oh, I like my tattoos!"

I do think, in the society that young people live in, we become aware of not only outside fears, but fears that take place internally. We learn that sometimes our thoughts can be a frightening common place in the middle of the night, or a rather random part of the day. When it comes to a person like Zee, though, I felt it was a good question to ask. 

"I fear that my OCD will stop me from living my life the way I want to. I fear that with any progress I make with my mental health, I am going to let myself fall back into the same patterns I keep finding myself in. That my impassivity will lead me to make really stupid decisions. That my anxiety won't let me escape." 

I believe it is a common ground, especially with mental illness, that one thinks we will be our own cause to our own downfalls. It can be all consuming and constant, like a pulse you can't tame. Being honest about these fears is what brings forward our ability to take these fears apart and construct things, find things, that we love. And to love them wholly. And well. For comfort.

"I think it is true, I threw myself into photography pretty soon after all my mental health issues really set in."

As you could all probably assume, I am a curious person. Curious about people and their individual experiences. This means, with this platform, I am given the ability to be nosy. To indulge that part of myself that wants to know everything about everyone. I love learning of others childhoods. The memory that comes to mind when they first think of the word it's self. Zee is no exception to the rule. 

"I think it was going to my great aunts house, I was with my dad and my brother, and I was pretty young. Maybe ten. And we went on a picnic in this giant forest area by her house. I remember just walking through the trees, and looking up, and seeing the light coming down through the trees. It was just so beautiful. I just felt really... at peace with everything going on, even the things I couldn't understand. I just felt really, really happy."

 "It was just beautiful."

I think Zee could be given the most simplistic topic, and go deeper than the typical person. She would be able to deconstruct the idea of a paint color for a room, any room, and get to the root of why it was chosen in the first place. What memories are brought forth, why it's comforting, or why it is appealing. But she would do it in such a way that would leave one thinking further into their choices, themselves as a whole. And that is a talent I rarely find among peers. Especially in this age group. 

"I feel totally comfortable being in the gray area. I'm glad I am in the gray area, I don't think I'd ever survive being in the black and white. It makes me think of last year. I went to see Darren Brown. He said to the audience "If there is anyone here who feels like they're not like everyone else, like an outcast, then don't worry. Because people who think they're cool, they grow up to be boring people. All the individuals, who fall into the gray zone, they grow up to be the more interesting, and create changes to the world."

I ask Zee, admitting I am a "little scared" with my next question. What is love to you?

"Love to me is being comfortable. Just not having any of the

anxiety of being with that person. Just feeling totally comfortable. Which is what I have with you. I just want people to know!" Which leads to a giggling match of sorts. What can I say? We are only human.

Q: You can give one piece of advice to others that fall into the gray areas of life, what would that advice be?

A: Don't let other people make you think that it is not okay to be different. It is. It's just being who you are, if who you are in this gray area, don't let anyone think that isn't okay. Basically what they are saying is "It's not a good thing to be you", when it is! It's totally okay to have mental illness, to have physical illness. Don't ever think you have to change yourself and be what society wants you to be, because that will just harm you. Just let yourself be okay being you. Because it's a good place to be.

Yes, yes, you can all say I am biased here in what I am about to say. Though with Zee's current teachings, It's just fine for me to be this way. Interviewing a stranger is one thing. Interviewing a partner is a whole new experience I've never had. Though through this process I have learned so much more. Not only about her, but about how life can be seen. She is an intellegent, willing participant in understanding ones self and putting that forth in her live. Turning a thought into action. She is a point of enlightenment in what can be a messy life. Turning what society deems as negative, into positives. We may be ill, yes, but that does not mute our voices or lessen our dreams or intentions. 

I hope the world could fight as she does. I hope all of can out outside today, look up at the trees, and let the light flood us. Cleanse us of current stresses and pain and give us a minutes clarity. Most of all take from Zee that even in our darkest moments, we are fighters. And we will be okay.

She is truly a Bright Young Thing. And I couldn't be more thankful for her. 

- Spencer