Emily is twenty years old, and currently lives in Florida. She works at a plus size women's clothing store, and also sings in a community choir.
"Sometimes yes, and sometimes no," Is her answer when I ask how she feels about her accomplishments. "I have a job, and I am making some money, but not much, and I am glad for doing that. And I am still stuck with my parents. And I can't do much beyond go to work and go to school." Emily is an education major, which through out our friendship, I didn't know, but could easily expect. She is a kind soul and is constantly pushing (gently) her friends to see the positives in themselves while also validating their struggles.
When I ask a interview participant to name four things they love about themselves, I am usually met with a wall of silence. It is a difficult question to answer, to look inside oneself and work through the opposite of what society informs us to do. How to measure our self worth. It takes time to come from the heart (and the head), but eventually, speaking does begin again.
"I like my eyes and my hands. I don't know why, but I think I have really nice hands. And I am proud of my eyes, it's the only thing I've always been proud of."
She says in a rush of words, and I know some part of her is struggling to put forth words for things we're not usually told or asked to embrace. The physical, with this question, always comes first. It isn't a bad thing, no. I love to see those I am interviewing move through the motions and get to the core of themselves.
And, Emily gets there flawlessly.
"That's really bad that I can't think of anything," She says in a rush, some anxiety stains her words, but continues, "I am fairly trustworthy and I am that person people will come to saying 'hey I need to tell you something' even if they don't need advice. They know I won't spread things around, and I am proud of that."
One thing I have always found intriguing about Emily is her talent for music. And her quite clear passion for it. "I finally like the way I sound, not speaking, but I have been singing for ten years in choir so I finally like the way I sound. I am confident in my singing."
Emily has been singing with local choirs for ten years, and has recently been placed on the board for the one she participates in now. You can tell there is a passion, a love, simply by the way she speaks. She enunciates like a singer, her words are always crisp and clear. And once she speaks of this topic, it's almost like a child explaining their day at school. Losing breaths and air trying to force all the words out at once.
"I grew up around music. It's something my parents were always playing, country, Do-whoop, and shop music. Mostly old country from the forties and fifties. I was always humming along and singing to music. When I figured out choirs aren't just for church, my teacher in fifth grade suggested that I join the choir at our school. I auditioned for the honor choir, and got in. And then I just kept auditioning for choirs. In high school, choir wise, it was amazing. And now I am with my current choir and I want to be with them forever."
Now I can continue asking what forces of nature a person feels they are, and hoping for an answer that is longer than two words. But, with Emily, it just doesn't fit. I do not believe she is a force of nature, but rather feeds nature with her being and her music. Creating a melody where nature can follow and ease into a softer reality. So I ask, what musical piece would you be?
"God... there was one song that we sang in Junior year of high school. It was a song based on two poems by Sarah Teasdale. I cried every time I heard it. Just the poetry and melody of it all. It was beautiful."
"Why do you feel like that would be you as a piece of music?"
"I think it is what I would want to be If I were a piece of music."
As I listen to the song, I can see why that would be. I do not believe Emily is striving to be this music, but rather, very much is. There is a rare handful of people in this life who are able to portray a physical being of poetic expression, and I believe she encompasses this easily.
Through out speaking to her, there was nothing lacking in her compassion and passion. She shines more brightly than I think she is aware of. Learning of her childhood, hearing her laugh, I imagine this woman is a rarity among us all. And this person, well, she is going to be a teacher. And for that, we should be thankful.
And... the famous last question.
Q: You can give one piece of advice to others that fall into the gray areas of life, what would that advice be?
A: Accept and embrace the oddities of yourself, and what makes you different. Not focusing on the black and white, it's always been big for me to try and do that.
Emily is a woman who loves music, her cat Doc (fabulously pictured on your right), learning, and indulging in fandom culture. She is someone who will openly, at times, struggle with self acceptance, but rather than denying herself happiness, she triumphs over social norms and continues her own journey through music and self discovery. If Emily was a "thing", she would be the most soothing yet powerful piece of orchestrated music. And that is quite a feat in it's own. I feel, after speaking to Emily at great length, that there is a power within her that she is unaware of. Life does challenge her, and she takes it in such stride with so much grace.
Emily doesn't have to strive to be that beautiful, melodic piece of music. Rather, she already is. And those who know her are already hearing it.
- Spencer
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